Family Is Not Always Blood: Honoring the Influence of a Mother Who Wasn’t Mine
With Mother’s Day still fresh in my heart, I find myself reflecting not only on my own journey as a mom, but on the women who helped shape me—women who never gave birth to me, but loved me as if they had.
Today, I want to honor one of those mommas.
Her name is Bert.
Sixty years ago, she and her husband Mike said “I do”—and they’ve been living out those vows every single day since.
Love. Dedication. Stability. Family.
They are a living, breathing example of what it means to build a legacy rooted in family.
When You Come From Less, You Hold Tight to Love
I met Bert and Mike as a teenager. They were the parents of my high school sweetheart, Tom. He was the oldest of two—the big brother to his little sister, Tracey — and from the moment I stepped into their home, I felt something I didn’t even know I was missing.
Stability.
Love.
Laughter.
Family.
When you grow up in a less-than-stable home, you tend to grasp onto the missing pieces—and Bert and Mike filled in those gaps in the most beautiful ways. They didn’t just offer me a seat at their table. They welcomed me into their hearts, home and family.
The Power of a Momma’s Presence
Bert was the rock. The one who kept it all running. She was the rule-setter, the voice of reason, the holiday maker, the party planner, and the fierce protector of her home and kids. She was the kind of mom who showed up—even when it wasn’t convenient. She set the tone, the schedule, and the standard. And she made it all feel so special. The thoughtful cakes and gifts for birthdays and holidays, to the souvenirs from their beach vacations. Her silver tinsel Christmas tree in the front window always made me smile, and her trays full of cookies were always a treat.
She was the momma you didn’t want to disappoint—not out of fear, but out of love and respect. The love and laughs flowed fluently as the family connections grew.
Meals Made of Love and Memories
Bert didn’t just make meals—she made memories. Homemade apple fritters, fresh salads, warm side dishes—these were more than food. They were acts of love. Meals in that house were sacred. Laughter was served with every dish. The kitchen wasn’t a place of chaos or control—it was a place of connection and family.
And then there was Mike.
Out in the snow, (in the cold Ohio winters) in his shorts, manning the grill like it was a summer day—he was the one who made us laugh, always up to something ornery with a smirk and a smile saying “Hey, don’t tell mom… but—”. Mike, Tom and Tracey were always up to something ornery and fun.
He gave me my very first taste of “steak on the grill”! The taste of a real, good, steak. I should’ve known then I’d end up a meat loving carnivore. This meat was always cooked with love to perfection. While Bert filled the house and kitchen with amazing treats, Mike and Tom were the masters of the grill, regardless of the weather. They would take one for the team, and tough out the snow for that perfect meal.
Together, they made that house a home.
One filled with laughter, love, boundaries, and joy.
A Sister I Never Had
Tracey was just a young girl back then—full of spunk and sweetness. She quickly became the little sister I never had. Watching the connection of that big brother protection from Tom and the practical jokes and orneriness of a little sister was such fun to watch. Seeing her grow into a beautiful, strong woman, raising two boys of her own, is again, the result of a beautiful upbringing. She is one of those I have watched from afar as she has grown into a beautiful soul, wife, and mom. She is now happily married and still holding tight to the love and legacy of their family, this is such a testament to what Bert and Mike built and instilled in their family.
Tracey carries the heartbeat of that family connection today. While sharing daily life with her parents, she’s proof that the foundation her parents laid, the work ethic, and the sense of family, still runs deep and strong, carrying on through the generations.
Life Took Us Different Directions—But the Love of Family Remains
Tom is Bert and Mikes oldest. The one that always made everyone laugh until you peed your pants. He kept everyone on their toes wondering what he was up to next. The stories of his orneriness make me laugh to this day. (Like him painting his dad’s prized Ford Mustang with a paint brush while it was in their garage!!!). He was just trying to help. lol. Right !?! Listening to this family share the memories of years past, you can feel the love and laughter that filled this home.
Tom and I were young, and like so many young hearts, our lives eventually took us in different directions. He went on to build a beautiful life and family of his own—with a strong, loving wife by his side. I want to take a moment to honor her and the life they’ve created together. It’s clear that the legacy of love and family that began with Bert and Mike continues through them and the family they created.
The years may have passed, but the friendship that Tom and I share has always remained rooted in mutual respect, gratitude, and that special kind of connection that time only strengthens—not fades. It’s not common to hold on to such a bond over the decades, but when it’s rooted in something as deep as shared love, life, laughs, healing, and family—it stands the test of time.
Why do I share all of this? I share this to say, be the family, be the parents, and make the memories.
But, as much as I love all of those memories built around amazing food and family. Today was to honor Bert and Mike on their 60th Anniversary. It was a beautiful surprise party they knew nothing about. Tom flew in to our little home town, and together, Tom and Tracey planned a beautiful party for them. With much of their family present, it was an honor to get to celebrate with them.
There was no big fancy meal, no steaks on the grill, and no homemade apple fritters or cookies. This was about the love and appreciation of family. From the Aunts and Uncles, to the cousins and friends. The food did not matter, the joy, love and memories led this gathering. Honoring two of the best.
When you put things in perspective, and we are teaching about the food addictions, and how we are all searching for that dopamine response in the brain, I can honestly say, the dopamine from family, friends, and loved ones, is so much more powerful than any food on any table.
So go make the memories, enjoy your life. Everything does not have to lead with the love of food. As much as I love the memories around some of the best meals of my childhood, nothing compares to the love of family.
What a blessing it was for Lance and I to be able to share this milestone celebration with them. To be able to stand in that space, Lance and I both felt the joy of witnessing love that lasts, and the honor of celebrating the ones who helped anchor me when I needed it most.
A Lasting Impact, Even Decades Later
I share all of this not to get lost in nostalgia, but to remind every momma reading this:
You matter more than you know.
The tone you set in your home will echo through the decades and generations. The meals, the rules, the hugs, the love—it all becomes part of someone’s story.
I’m nearly 60 now, and I still feel the warmth of that home. I still remember how safe it felt. How seen I was. The special Christmas and birthday gifts that were picked with so much thought and heart. Some I still have to this day.
That’s what moms do—they leave an imprint on your heart.
And for me, Bert’s imprint runs deep.
She helped shape the kind of mom I’ve fought to become.
A Special Message to Moms
So to all the moms out there—don’t take your role lightly. Be intentional. Be the mom. Don’t shy away from setting rules and boundaries. Make your home a place where food is a tool for connection, not coping. Model healthy relationships—both around the table and in life.
Your influence is literally wiring the brain of your child and every child you influence. Every moment of love, every “no” wrapped in care, every family dinner—they matter more than you’ll ever know.
And for the ones watching from the outside—like I was—your influence might just save a heart that’s searching for stability.
Happy 60th Anniversary, Bert & Mike
To Bert and Mike—thank you.
Thank you for opening your hearts and your home.
Thank you for being the calm in my chaos.
Thank you for the meals, the laughs, the example, the love.What a beautiful life you’ve built.
You’ve shown all of us what real love and family look like—and I am forever grateful for the piece of that you shared with me.
Bert, you are forever a part of me.
And you’re the kind of mother we honor.
💬 Let’s Reflect:
-
Who in your life shaped your definition of family beyond blood?
-
What piece of your mother—or a mother figure—do you carry with you today?
🧠 Healing Thought of the Day:
A mother’s influence is powerful enough to change the trajectory of a life.
Not just for her own children, but for anyone she chooses to love.
Every family dinner. Every kind word. Every boundary wrapped in love—those moments are wiring the next generation for connection, emotional safety, and lasting health.
🩷 Coach Tammie
